I was chatting with my cousin last night and we were talking about the current problems he’s having with his wife, this is his 2nd marriage and he was telling me that if this doesn’t work out he is done with marriage and he is just going to date but nothing more.
So I got to thinking about what I call “My short time between husbands”.

After the marriage from hell I swore I would never marry again, of course you all know that didn’t last long since once I met JR we were married within 10 months.
I dated quite a bit before meeting him and some of the stories are pretty funny and down right creepy.

There was Steve, we talked for a few weeks before meeting.
The first time we met it was for coffee at a bookstore and then we walked around talking for about an hour, he gave me a hug goodbye and kissed my EAR...I thought he missed my cheek so whatever, the next 2 times I saw him the ear kissing increased, apparently he had a thing for ears and earrings as he would randomly touch my earrings a lot...the last time I saw him he almost inhaled my earring I was done! 4 dates with Steve the ear guy.

Then there was Bill. This guy was nice, way TOO nice in an almost annoying way. We met for coffee and I knew right away it would not go anywhere from there. He looked a lot older than he said he was, and there was zero attraction on my part.
When I got home after our “date” he called to say he had fun and I said yeah me too yadda yadda.
He called me the next morning and left a message saying he had fun again and that he was looking forward to our next date, I know I’m a fun girl and I can even make a coffee date a freaking hoot but come the hell on! I didn’t even pull out my C game for that one so how could he be so fascinated by me.
I avoided his calls for a day or so thinking he would get the message but I was wrong, when I called to tell him I was not interested he was SO excited to hear from me and said he had a gift for me(??????) that he’d told his mom and sister about me and they wanted to meet me, then he dropped the bomb on me and said his mom was happy that he’d met a girl of childbearing age finally. HUH?????
Mind you he was probably nearing 50 and not in a good way, I was 37 at the time with a child in High School and NO desire to ever ever ever have another child, dude was out of his damned mind!
That one ended badly with him calling me a selfish bitch for not wanting to have a baby and “Great! now what am I going to tell my mother??
One date with never-married-desperate old guy.

Bruce was a nice guy, very attractive and we had great phone conversations so we decided to meet for dinner. He got a dinner date instead of the quickie coffee meeting.
He showed up at the restaurant in his 60-something convertible T-Bird and asked me if I’d like to go for a ride first, so I hopped in and off we went.
This was so unlike me to ride in a convertible with my long hair flying crazily everywhere but it was fun, we stopped at a park and sat in the gazebo for a while then he said his house was not far away and did I want to see it, he said his kids and the babysitter were there so no worries. Kids?? babysitting age kids??? that was news to me but I said yeah let’s go by for a minute.
The house was beautiful, very neat and clean. His kids were upstairs watching a move and I never saw them which was fine with me.
We sat in the den and listened to some Jazz...then it got weird and creepy real fast, he started playing with my hair which was o.k but then he started sniffing it over and over, then he said “It’s been a long time since I touched a woman’s hair” and I may be paranoid but I swear he said “Hello Agent Stalling”.
I began to look for heavy objects to defend myself with and picturing a room upstairs filled with shrunken heads of long haired women.
I got up and headed for the door and said I forgot i was meeting a friend for drinks and had to get back to my car. Thankfully Hannibal took me back, that was the longest 10 minute ride of my life, and I was prepared to jump out of the car at any moment.
One date with hair obsessed guy.

Another one was Tom, he was a big burly guy who had played pro arena football and never stopped telling me that, showing me pictures and basically bragging.
We had 4 or 5 dinner dates, he was fun but a bit too cocky and full of himself but I wasn’t looking for anything serious so what the hell.
After our last date I drove out of the parking lot and got on the highway to go home, apparently he was right behind me and ran a stop sign and got into an accident...I had no idea as it happened BEHIND me.
I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days and when he finally called I said something smartass like “Oh you’re alive” and he said “yeah like YOU care!!” and told me about the wreck which totaled his car and sent him to the hospital with a broken nose. He said I was self centered and didn’t care about him, how dare I leave him to die in that horrible wreck! then of course he threw in that I was a bitch in there for good measure. I said i was glad he was o.k and to take care.
That was the end of my dates with the jock which may have later killed me while having a ‘roid rage episode.

Then I met this guy who cracked me up on the phone and we stayed up for hours on the phone, he got my sense of humor and we decided to meet in person.
There was no chemistry, no physical attraction for either one of us, he thought I was a snob and rude.
We both decided on that first meeting that we would just be friends and nothing more, we admitted we had a lot of fun and found each other hilariously funny but that was it.
Neither on of us wanted to be married again, we didn’t want anything serious...we got married 10 months later.

As the very eloquent Smizzo says “Life, it’s a Trippy thing”