My Mother’s day was great, I got spoiled and got to take a long nap so it was an absolute perfect day.

Last night we watched some shows we’d TiVod, JR and I are totally hooked on The Locator which is awesome even though or because it makes me cry every time.
My new favorite show is now I Want To Save Your Life, it is a thousand times better than The Biggest Loser, in my opinion it’s more real since the participants are not tucked away at a ranch ONLY working out and dieting, on IWTSYL Charles spends one week giving a lot of information and doing things like going to the grocery store, the gym and braking down things so that you know why you’ve failed on the hundredths of “diets” you’ve been on. After a week he leaves but is available by phone, email etc. and then he comes back after 4 months to see the results...all 4 episodes were so inspiring, the lowest weight loss was 40 lbs. the highest was 104! that was a guy who weighed 400 lbs. to begin with, all that weight loss and they did it at home, awesome!
I watched the first 4 episodes of the season back to back and I feel like I learned so much, love this show.

I worked on a list of goals to help me keep focused and motivated.
Fast food is OUT! did you know that it would take you 2 hours on the treadmill to work off just seven fricking french fries???
I’m going to cook, sounds simple right? yeah but I do very little of it and I make every excuse to get out of it.
Starting today I’m going to cook at least one meal a day 6 days a week...to keep myself accountable I’m going to post a picture of that meal on Flickr.
I’m going to keep the pantry and fridge stocked with healthy foods so I never have an excuse to make a bad choice.
I’m aware that I’m going to struggle and screw up but I’m going to get back on track, I’m going to move it every day for at least 90 minutes and little by little create a healthy routine to smack down the bad one.

My long term goals are of course hitting and keeping my goal weight and getting off the Diabetes meds. but the biggie is to run a half marathon not sure which one yet but next year I’m running one for realsies y’all!!!
I used to love running believe it or not.

Look for my dinner pic tonight

This is going to be a plethora of randomness, don’t you love that word? Plethora.

~I had to give myself an impromptu mini-pedi this morning as soon as I got to work, a much needed one and it took a lot of Ninja-like moves that I’m surprise I was able to pull off. That brought me to wonder what is the oddest thing you’ve done in your place of work?? Tell me!

~This is my birthday month and that thrills me because I love the attention, I’m honest about it and have no shame in saying that I love parties and presents and shopping with gift cards!!

~This is also a bittersweet week because of Mother’s Day. When you no longer have a Mother it is brutal and there is no way to sugar coat it, I love being a mom and grandmother but that day is never going to be the same. My birthday is also tough because for 33 years my mom made each birthday so special and I still miss her 6am phone call that day...always will.

~Work is kicking my ass and there is no end in sight. I’m thankful to be employed in these tough times, but I still feel the need to bitch.

~RHONY....Wow!!!!! I cannot wait to see the reunion special. These Housewife shows are really my guilty pleasure, they entertain me beyond comprehension. The New Jersey women are going to be crazy nuts too, it’s a family of Italian women and I swear from the previews I’m wondering if they are trying to be all “Carmela Soprano” for the show. 

~I’m letting my hair grow long again (I told you this was going to be random) and I’ve had to get really creative in managing all of the layers, so headbands and scarfs have become a bit of an obsession lately, I went shopping with my nieces and picked up 3 more last weekend. I wore one of them today and I love love love it! It’s my favorite so far.
What do y’all think?

Can you believe that paranoid blogger me is actually posting a picture of myself in a PUBLIC entry??? I can’t. I don’t think I care much about that, of course in a few minutes it may change and you’re now reading this after having to sign in
Plus...I look good, I captured my good side after a dozen tries.
The hideous wallpaper is not my doing, it’s in the ladies room at work *shiver*

I’ve been sucking at a lot of things lately, one of them is obviously updating here and when I do I rarely have much to say.

The past couple of months I’ve been dealing with a few small things but you know how those can snowball, nothing major just a few little annoying issues so no worries.
I always tend to take on everything and keep it all bottled up and I know it’s not good, I’m really trying to do better and not worry about things I cannot change.

I had a rude awakening last night when I started to feel really odd and woozy, I checked my blood and sure enough it was high and ended up shooting to 400. Those of you who know about Diabetes know this is a VERY scary number...I have no one to blame but me, I have let other things take over and have not taken care of myself, all I have been doing is taking my medicine before meals, no exercise and a shitty diet have taken it’s toll on my body.
I feel like I have failed myself, I KNOW that I no longer have the luxury to not take care of myself and indulge in a lot of things, the last time I exercised was 2 weeks ago.

Last night I thought of what damage I’m doing to my heart and kidneys not to mention my eyesight, I am so angry for getting so out of control. I kept telling myself that I have only gained back 5 lbs. so I’m not doing too badly...the scale is not the only numbers I need to be concerned with, 400 is not too far from a Diabetic coma.

There it is in black and white, I’m sorry to be a downer but I have to let this out and see it so that I can make myself accountable.
Coma, loss of eyesight, amputation of limbs, heart failure DEATH.

I am being so wasteful with my life, putting my life at risk because I can’t take the time to take care of ME.
I am so blessed, I have a family that loves and supports me, the best husband I could ever dream of and a daughter who has been the biggest joy of my life, my grandson....OMG the thought of him brings tears to my eyes because I can’t imagine not being well enough to enjoy him and see him grow up.

I will be 42 years old soon, and if I don’t change my behavior I may not see many more birthdays or have good quality of life for long, I do not want that to be what I’m about, I don’t want to be so lazy and weak that I waste my life away because I can’t stop eating crap and I’m not getting off my ass to work out.

I was doing so well a few months ago...but I lost my grip, I let other things take my focus away from living well and that needs to change today, right this minute.

My job has a lot to do with my stress, and really in the field I’m in it’s more Distress. When you deal with people’s desperation and hopelessness every day it’s hard to not take all of that home with you, it’s hard to think of ME when I see other people who are losing everything.

No more excuses, it stops here and now. I have to get my shit together and see each day as a gift and take care of myself.

1. U2
2. Van Halen
3. The Rolling Stones
4.  Rascal Flats
5. The Beatles
6. Journey
7. Aerosmith
8. Fleetwood Mac
9. INXS (original)
10.Sugarland